Unwinding Our Wounds

A few months ago I was working with a local client seeking to deepen into her spiritual path and clear away old blockages or limiting patterns.

As I peered into her energetic body I could see an old wound from childhood near her heart. It had crystallized into an obstructive mass of energy, buried beneath swirling emotion. The wound was creating blockages in her heart chakra. Working together we dislodged the heavy, hardened imprint from her energy field – using her breath and intention, paired with my energy medicine tools and techniques.

As we spoke about the incidents she was releasing, I noticed that unhealthy adaptive patterns had wound themselves around the childhood trauma and grown with her as she aged. And while the original imprint had released, many of the surrounding patterns were still intact. Like candle wax that hardens over time, layer upon layer each time a new candle burns, these beliefs and behaviors had built up and been reinforced over the years.

It became clear that unwinding the patterns would be a gradual process. To soften the layers and make them malleable enough to remove would require much compassion and forgiveness. She could then gradually peel them off, one by one, with tenderness and care.

Adaptive Beliefs and Behaviors

Since that session I’ve been reflecting a lot on early wounds, and the many layers of adaptive behaviors and beliefs that get wound around them. I find the similarity in terminology curious. A “wound” connotes an injury, abrasion, or rupture that may be either physical or emotional, while the verb “to wind” conveys the idea of twisting and tightening. We easily get “wound up” when triggered by old wounds, and unwinding ourselves can require conscious intention, space and time.

Nearly all major wounds – physical or emotional – bring about some sort of adaptation. An extra layer of scar tissue forms to protect the site of an injury. Defensive or avoidant behaviors develop to protect our heart from future pain.

In the aftermath of a wounding event we often overcompensate. Perhaps we become more willful or ambitious, creating unrealistic goals and expectations for ourselves. Or we draw back and decide to expect less of everything and everyone so that we’re not disappointed. Often we turn inward and deride ourselves for not being “enough” of whatever we perceive might have helped avoid the painful situation in the first place. And our personality adapts accordingly.

Unraveling Early Imprints

If you seek to heal old wounds or traumas, it’s helpful to start by acknowledging and releasing the triggering event itself. Painful experiences happen to all of us. We have to let go and move on, shed our old stories, and not let a past event define us.

Then comes the tricky part – unraveling the various ways you may have adapted your beliefs, behaviors, and expectations in the aftermath – in ways that no longer serve your best interests. Did you close down the playful and carefree part of yourself? Learn to avoid certain feelings, people, or situations? Change your outlook or even personality in some way?

Hold some compassion for those protective layers you developed, as they surely served a purpose at the time. Let the layers soften with your tenderness. Be loving toward yourself. Forgive your supposed shortcomings or any feelings of being “less than.” Allow yourself to accept that you were wounded and scarred. It’s okay – we all are in some way, and from it grows our wisdom.

I truly believe that it’s with great compassion, forgiveness, and care that we can unwind and release patterns that no longer serve us in positive ways. We can examine a behavior, ask whether it is helpful and if not, and if not we make a sustained effort to change it. Same with our beliefs. If they are self-defeating and make us feel worse, we can challenge them until we stop believing them – and replace them with positive affirmations that make us feel more empowered.

It can also be really useful to remember who you were before the event, and identify any characteristics you might have embodied at the time that got lost in the aftermath. Invite that part of you to step forward and help you through the healing process. With childhood trauma there is often a loss of carefree, spontaneous, innocence. Welcoming the child you once were back into your adult life can generate a refreshing burst of energy, to help shift and heal the entrenched patterns.

The most important thing I’ve learned in my work is that we all have great capacity for healing and positive change. A strong intention paired with perseverance and compassion goes a long way. No matter how tightly wound some of our patterns might be, we can soften and loosen them with loving tenderness and care.